A Heart More Focused

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Forcing My Doubt Into Submission

September 14, 2010 By Erika Zane

14 Sep

I realize I have been completely MIA online lately.  My husband and I have been trying to figure out our situation and what action we need to take for the past couple of weeks.  I was, yet again, considering going back to work but still struggling with the same feelings that I should be home with Dylan.

Nothing has changed with how much I love spending all day with my baby boy and I LOVE the rhythm we are in right now with awake time, nap time, and bed time.  He is a happy and healthy baby who is developing at lightning speed lately!  I love that he is so interested in the world and I am starting to see him learn from me (which is just so much fun)!

I think the biggest problem I’ve been having is not trusting in God to be God.  Needing to be in control is something I’ve always struggled with.  Living in Colorado and getting involved in Yoga really helped me in that department but since moving back east with a baby, I have allowed myself to loose faith and sight of our values.

Andy and I have always said:

  • “we DO NOT live to work… we work to live”
  • “family always comes first”
  • “money and material possessions are not important”

Those are easy statements to make when we weren’t struggling financially, but are so easy to throw out the window when stress hits.

In any case, I need to stick with the decision we prayed about and made with confidence five months ago: I am a smart, resourceful SAHM who, with the Lord’s help, can find creative DIY ways to save our family as much, if not more, money than I would make if I went back to work full-time and put Dylan in daycare.  Like a sermon I once heard – I need to think INSIDE the box of what is within my control, and give everything outside of that to God.  He helped us set our course, now we need to sail that course with determination!

How’s that for a self pep-talk? 😉

Like my new haircut? 🙂

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Filed Under: baby, Career, Faith, Family, life changes, Parenting, Religion, SAHM, values

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Comments

  1. Michelle says

    September 14, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    You can do it! Everything will work out, possibly working full/part time, staying home, taking care of your family, taking care of yourself. Trust yourself, you can handle it, just remember to ask for help when you need it, your family and friends are there for you! 🙂 Hugs from CO!
    Michelle recently posted..Our House- Our Home

  2. Mary says

    September 15, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    Love the self pep-talk and LOVE the new haircut!!! Things have a way of working themselves out… :o)

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About me

Hello and welcome.  It’s been a while.  For Lent this year I decided to fast from the thing that took too much of my attention from what is truly important: Social Media.  Though there are countless amazing benefits to Social Media, after about a month offline so far, there are seemingly just as many negatives.  I never realized how much of my brain had been hijacked by it.  I’ve had so many revelations about how much easier it is to move forward when I’m not constantly reminded of the past.  But I still want to record my family as they grow at this ridiculous speed and, I’m realizing, so many of our family’s memories are here.  Those along with so many of the struggles and stages we’ve worked through.  Maybe in the midst of COVID19 isolation and my kids around me so often, I’m brought back to a time when they were too young for school and with me so often.  Writing here during that time helped make up for the limited adult conversation in my days and the overwhelm provided by my… little treasures 😉 My husband, fur babies, three fiesty kids, and I hereby extend an invitation to visit this little sneak peak into our life. We’re super flawed and broken and there aren’t too many dull moments around here.  And I promise it’s not always as magical as some of my golden hour, sun-soaked images would suggest.  There’s usually too much coffee in my system and we welcome all the prayers.  Come on over if you want to process with me.

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