I know I said I’d talk about the BlogHer ’11 parties this week and this week is quickly drawing to a close, but I’m having trouble focusing on anything other than what’s been on my mind these last few day.
This is going to sound terrible, but after four days of self-discovery and dreaming about my future, it was a little bit of a shocker to come home to my life as a SAHM. I’m just going to say it. I’m eight weeks pregnant with baby number two and it’s really starting to sink in that this is my life. Does that make sense?
Nothing in my life has been as rewarding as raising my son. I’ve also talked about the tumultuous year that followed his birth and the discontinuation of my outside career before here and the acceptance/embrace of my path as a SAHM here. But now, the reality of another child joining the mix makes me feel like I’m completely locked into that decision from here on out. I don’t deal with feeling limited very well.
I realize that the world isn’t black and white and I don’t have to know 100% what I want to do with my life right.this.second. I also realize my options will open up a lot more as Little Man and baby #2 grow up, but the next few years at least, are starting to feel a little overwhelming.
I’m also struggling with the idea that soon I’ll barely have time to breath. Little Man never stops moving. I’m not kidding. It’s a nonstop circus around here. How in the heck am I going to keep up with two of them and find any time for myself?!
Yes, this post has an awful lot of “me” and “I” in it and that makes me feel really guilty. Life isn’t about just me anymore.
Right now, though, as I’ve woken up everyday the past few days feeling like I’m one wrong bite or sip away from running to the bathroom and that feeling has not been dissipating throughout the day, I’m struggling to think outside of myself. Everything seems like too much effort. If I could, I would probably spend all day in bed reading and sleeping.
Is that awful?