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The Secrets Of This Toddler Whisperer. Ok, Not Quite.

September 21, 2011 By Erika Zane

21 Sep

Am I a controlling, H.E.L.P.ing, or enabling parent?  Is Little Man and Angel, Textbook, Sensitive, Spirited, or Grumpy toddler?

These are the questions asked in ‘The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers’ by Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blau.

I don’t have absolute answers.  I really think I tend to be more along the lines of the H.E.L.P.ing parent thanks to the first Baby Whisperer book, with definite moments in both the controlling and enabling direction.  As for LM, I’d say we have a pretty spirited little toddler on our hands.

The book is structured so you can pick and choose what you want to read as long as you read the first three chapters.  So, last night, I read the first three chapters, which included sections with quizzes to determine what kind of toddler I have out of five categories and what kind of parent I am out of three.

Of course, no toddler is going to fit 100% into one category, which the author acknowledges over and over again.  Like adult personality types, there is usually one categorization that most closely fits each toddler.

Also, no parent is perfect.  We all have our good, bad, and in between moments.  Tracy does seem to think some people adjust to parenting a little more naturally than others, which I suppose I agree with.  In which case, I think I am one of the ones who needed a little more direction, but I think I’m learning!

As for how this book is helping with LM’s bedtime issue, it encouraged me to take a step back and think about what I might be doing to enable or cause this change in behavior: I was spending a few minutes trying to calm him, at the end of which, I would say firmly “that’s enough, bedtime“.

Now, I know that, generally, one might assume LM fears his crib, but I can tell you, with certainty, that’s not the problem.  He spends at least half an hour every morning playing in his crib until I come to get him and same thing after his naps.  This morning, he didn’t even want me to take him out of his crib right away because he wasn’t done playing.  So, I think the problem has more to do with my behavior.  My behavior must have sent the message that I expect a certain amount of whining before he goes to sleep.  In short, I was reinforcing negative behavior.

I am not really sure where I should have begun, or if this was the right approach, but today, for LM’s nap today, I sang one short verse of a song into the monitor.  Guess what?  It worked!  It comforted him.  Maybe he’s been thinking I was upset with him him when I left the room?  I’m not really sure, but I do think the book helped.

All in all, I highly recommend the book.  I love that it doesn’t tell you your child is just like everyone else’s, you don’t know your own child, and there are definite responses that work for everyone.  That’s simply not true and she says that.  This book gives you a few pointers, but basically arms you with the tools to problem solve your unique child and situation and trust yourself.

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Filed Under: childhood, Family, motherhood, Parenting, toddlerhood

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Comments

  1. Diana @Hormonal Imbalances says

    September 22, 2011 at 9:51 am

    Sounds like it’s working well! It’s so great that he’s doing better so quickly, that book was a lifesaver when Bella was little so I am glad the toddler one worked just as well.
    Diana @Hormonal Imbalances recently posted..It’s All About Reaction. And Helmets.

    • Erika @NaMammaSte says

      September 22, 2011 at 8:12 pm

      I know! I was surprised actually. The book prepares you for weeks of effort, and then it only took one day to see an improvement. Actually, tonight as I put him to bed, I remembered another thing I changed recently, the disk for his little nightlight, which slightly changed the brightness in the room. I changed it back tonight and he didn’t fuss at all until I left the room altogether. Then I sang to him again and he was fine.

      I feel like I should have been able to figure this out on my own, but I guess sometimes it just takes a little encouragement to know you’re on the right track and start trusting yourself again, you know?

  2. Paige Kellerman says

    September 22, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    This is a really great post! That book sounds like it would be pretty helpful. My babies are 16 months now, and figuring them out is about as easy as solving a Rubik’s Cube with my eyes shut…LOL Luckily they’ve been great sleepers, but the whining is definitely an issue. Oh the whining!… I hope there’s something in there about ear plugs….

    • Erika @NaMammaSte says

      September 22, 2011 at 8:15 pm

      Thank you! LOL… I LOVE that analogy! Don’t get me started on the whining. She talks about whining as a case of accidental parenting and that it’s from the parents responding when the child whines. I’m not so sure about that one. I’m pretty sure they all whine at this age. He only gets what he wants from me when he smiles and signs please. I ignore the whines and he’s still going strong! Fun huh? I second the ear plugs!

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About me

Hello and welcome.  It’s been a while.  For Lent this year I decided to fast from the thing that took too much of my attention from what is truly important: Social Media.  Though there are countless amazing benefits to Social Media, after about a month offline so far, there are seemingly just as many negatives.  I never realized how much of my brain had been hijacked by it.  I’ve had so many revelations about how much easier it is to move forward when I’m not constantly reminded of the past.  But I still want to record my family as they grow at this ridiculous speed and, I’m realizing, so many of our family’s memories are here.  Those along with so many of the struggles and stages we’ve worked through.  Maybe in the midst of COVID19 isolation and my kids around me so often, I’m brought back to a time when they were too young for school and with me so often.  Writing here during that time helped make up for the limited adult conversation in my days and the overwhelm provided by my… little treasures 😉 My husband, fur babies, three fiesty kids, and I hereby extend an invitation to visit this little sneak peak into our life. We’re super flawed and broken and there aren’t too many dull moments around here.  And I promise it’s not always as magical as some of my golden hour, sun-soaked images would suggest.  There’s usually too much coffee in my system and we welcome all the prayers.  Come on over if you want to process with me.

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