A Heart More Focused

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I’m totally lost, but that’s ok.

November 30, 2011 By Erika Zane

30 Nov

I have no idea what I’m doing.  None.  Isn’t parenting strange?

Before Dylan was born, I was so sure of every decision I made.  I thoroughly researched every purchase and career decision.  I consulted experts in my field when I got stuck on projects at work.  I had regular reviews with my boss to tell me how I was doing.  I felt mostly in control of my life.

Then I had a baby…

I know everyone tells you that babies change everything.  The thing is, no one can really put a finger on exactly what will change for you.  Everyone has different ideas of what they’ve sacrificed as a parent.

For me, the part of parenting I’ve struggled with the most is that there are no definite answers when it comes to how to raise your child.  Then, to make things even worse, everyone has very strong opinions on what you’re doing wrong.  There’s no one conducting quarterly reviews to provide constructive criticism on how to progress, just a whole bunch of questions with no answers and a lot of guess work.

It took me a long time to come to terms with this.  I think that has been my biggest struggle over the past almost 23 months.

Truth be told, I still struggle with this and I think I always will, but I’m learning to enjoy it a little.  Despite the fact that I freak out on a daily basis about what I’ve done wrong, it’s a little freeing to know that there really isn’t a universal right or wrong answer.  There’s only what feels right for you and your child(ren).

I maybe screwing up left and right, but as long as I’m doing my best, and making decisions out of love and concern for my child’s well being, I’m doing good enough.  At least I think so.

What, if anything, has been your biggest struggle as a parent?

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Filed Under: Family, motherhood, Parenting

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Comments

  1. Amber says

    November 30, 2011 at 10:53 am

    I totally get this feeling Erika.

    For example, Jonas is not the best sleeper in the world. He will only sleep at night with me, and I can only get him down for a nap by nursing and lying with him until he falls asleep. Even though I think I am happy with my choice to co-sleep with him and nurse on demand/child-led wean, I have my moments when outside advice makes me question my decisions.

    Whenever I start to feel bad because he isn’t easy when it comes to sleeping or potty training, I try to focus on the good stuff. Like how healthy he is. Or what a smartie he is turning into.

    I think every GOOD parent questions themselves at one point or another. We don’t assume we know everything and the desire to be the best parent we can makes us a little crazy sometimes.

    Hugs!
    Amber recently posted..Why It’s Worth A Watch Wednesday – DVR Priority

    • Erika @NaMammaSte says

      December 1, 2011 at 1:54 pm

      To me, you seem like one of the most amazing mammas ever. I agree; caring and trying to do our best is what matters the most. Thank you! Hugs!

  2. Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama says

    November 30, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    I think every parent can understand your feelings. I deal with this by knowing that I always follow my instincts with parenting – our instincts are better than any parenting expert 😉
    Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Can you find my baby?

    • Erika @NaMammaSte says

      December 1, 2011 at 1:55 pm

      You hit the nail on the head. Thanks for that reminder 🙂

  3. Mary says

    November 30, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    I can identify with this to some extent. Yes, everyone wants to give you their two cents on what you should be doing or not doing. However, we need to remind ourselves not to take all of these little decisions so seriously. I mean, let’s put it in perspective: he’s not going to walk down the aisle still wearing a diaper, or suckling on the breast/bottle/binki, etc. Ultimately, as you said it, you do what works best for your family.
    So, really we ought to make a concentrated effort to enjoy the parenting journey that we are on right now. Because honestly this is the easy stuff. Before we know it, we’ll have to prepare to talk to our kids about sex, alcohol, drugs, bullying, peer pressure…. !!! And God knows whatever else may be the new trend in bad teen behavior.
    While they are still so innocent, let’s enjoy the journey. We don’t have all the answers, and never will, but you learn as you go…. and I think that it is totally natural to feel lost, and reflect, and make small adjustments where you can and when it works…. And that is what parenting is all about! 🙂

  4. Mary says

    November 30, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    Also, I know you are doing a GREAT job as a mom because you have such a happy, healthy toddler!!! And I have to remind myself about that, too, from time to time.

    • Erika @NaMammaSte says

      December 1, 2011 at 1:57 pm

      Oh, I totally agree. It’s just easy to get caught up in the day to day decisions. I know this is the easy part, and I really do enjoy the journey. And, thank you! I feel the same way about you! Your baby girl is so adorable and easy going. Clearly she’s a happy girl 🙂

  5. Michelle says

    November 30, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    Everyone worries! Try to enjoy the ride, there are such great moments of happy as well as moments of uncertainy and stress. Hang in there! Keep breathing! 🙂

    • Erika @NaMammaSte says

      December 1, 2011 at 2:00 pm

      Thanks Michelle! I know. I need to stop and remind myself to take deep breaths sometimes! 🙂 Wish I could still go on walks with you and come over for tea and to talk. You have such a great perspective.

      • Michelle says

        December 1, 2011 at 2:09 pm

        I wish we were closer also! One day we’ll hang out again 🙂 It’s hard to keep perspective, Ben and I have both been losing it lately, something to do with fatigue and the holidays and approaching baby. Good luck to you! 🙂

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About me

Hello and welcome.  It’s been a while.  For Lent this year I decided to fast from the thing that took too much of my attention from what is truly important: Social Media.  Though there are countless amazing benefits to Social Media, after about a month offline so far, there are seemingly just as many negatives.  I never realized how much of my brain had been hijacked by it.  I’ve had so many revelations about how much easier it is to move forward when I’m not constantly reminded of the past.  But I still want to record my family as they grow at this ridiculous speed and, I’m realizing, so many of our family’s memories are here.  Those along with so many of the struggles and stages we’ve worked through.  Maybe in the midst of COVID19 isolation and my kids around me so often, I’m brought back to a time when they were too young for school and with me so often.  Writing here during that time helped make up for the limited adult conversation in my days and the overwhelm provided by my… little treasures 😉 My husband, fur babies, three fiesty kids, and I hereby extend an invitation to visit this little sneak peak into our life. We’re super flawed and broken and there aren’t too many dull moments around here.  And I promise it’s not always as magical as some of my golden hour, sun-soaked images would suggest.  There’s usually too much coffee in my system and we welcome all the prayers.  Come on over if you want to process with me.

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