Why is it so hard to just be content?
I feel like I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about what I really want to be doing. Questioning whether I like my life the way it is and trying to figure out what I can do to make it better.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my life. I do. I just always do this.
No matter how well things are going in my life, I’m always thinking about the next step. Always wondering what I can change to improve things.
When I was working full-time from home, I ached to spend more time with my baby and be available for playdates with other moms during the week. Now that I don’t work, I miss the income and stability and am constantly brainstorming jobs I could do from home.
When we owned our house in Colorado, I spent so much time pondering whether that house was too big and we’d be better of with something smaller and “more manageable”. I also worried that our children would grow up too protected with little to no exposure to cultures. I loved it out there, but compared to the cultural soup we have here in the Northeast, Denver just didn’t compare.
Then we moved into a small two bedroom apartment in the very cultural and urban DC metro area. There, I felt isolated and alone and struggled with keeping our home clutter free. We had so much stuff from our house, and nowhere to put it.
Now, our situation is somewhere in the middle. We have an awesome townhouse, close to both our families, an amazing friend, and two major cities, and just enough room. What do I find myself wondering now? If we should look for a bigger place (I know. Make up my mind already!) in an area that will shorten my husbands commute and make me closer to a very close friend.
I also find myself missing our life, friends, and home in Colorado often. There were so many things I loved about life out there: the pace, the conveniences, the health conscious living, the view, the weather, and the family centered attitude of just about everyone. Of course, it took leaving to see most of that.
Obviously, the “grass is always greener” phrase didn’t come out of no where, so I know I’m not alone. I just need to step back and, as the yogi in me would say, focus on finding santosha (sanskrit for contentment). I want to live a life where I spend everyday in awe and gratitude over the blessings God has given me. I can’t think of a better month to start focusing my energy on this. I’m going to treat everyday this month as Thanksgiving day and, rather than focusing on what I don’t have, I’m going to focus on what I do and what I can give to others.
Happy Thanksgiving month!
On that note, if you’re feeling this way too, please check out Amber’s (from A Day Without Sushi) #GoWithout movement.