Why is it so hard to just be content?
I feel like I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about what I really want to be doing. Questioning whether I like my life the way it is and trying to figure out what I can do to make it better.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my life. I do. I just always do this.
No matter how well things are going in my life, I’m always thinking about the next step. Always wondering what I can change to improve things.
When I was working full-time from home, I ached to spend more time with my baby and be available for playdates with other moms during the week. Now that I don’t work, I miss the income and stability and am constantly brainstorming jobs I could do from home.
When we owned our house in Colorado, I spent so much time pondering whether that house was too big and we’d be better of with something smaller and “more manageable”. I also worried that our children would grow up too protected with little to no exposure to cultures. I loved it out there, but compared to the cultural soup we have here in the Northeast, Denver just didn’t compare.
Then we moved into a small two bedroom apartment in the very cultural and urban DC metro area. There, I felt isolated and alone and struggled with keeping our home clutter free. We had so much stuff from our house, and nowhere to put it.
Now, our situation is somewhere in the middle. We have an awesome townhouse, close to both our families, an amazing friend, and two major cities, and just enough room. What do I find myself wondering now? If we should look for a bigger place (I know. Make up my mind already!) in an area that will shorten my husbands commute and make me closer to a very close friend.
I also find myself missing our life, friends, and home in Colorado often. There were so many things I loved about life out there: the pace, the conveniences, the health conscious living, the view, the weather, and the family centered attitude of just about everyone. Of course, it took leaving to see most of that.
Obviously, the “grass is always greener” phrase didn’t come out of no where, so I know I’m not alone. I just need to step back and, as the yogi in me would say, focus on finding santosha (sanskrit for contentment). I want to live a life where I spend everyday in awe and gratitude over the blessings God has given me. I can’t think of a better month to start focusing my energy on this. I’m going to treat everyday this month as Thanksgiving day and, rather than focusing on what I don’t have, I’m going to focus on what I do and what I can give to others.
Happy Thanksgiving month!
On that note, if you’re feeling this way too, please check out Amber’s (from A Day Without Sushi) #GoWithout movement.
Don’t worry, you’re not alone. When I was working, I also wanted more time to spend with the babies. Now I’m home all the time and I’m constantly brainstorming jobs, as well…lol. I try to remind myself that I’m where I wanted to be and now I actually have time to write – something I’d never be doing if I was still stuck in my cubicle. Just keep doing what you’re doing and being there for your little ones. That’s the most important thing.
For example, in the time it took me to finish this comment, I had to stop my son from biting off his sister’s finger, change their diapers and put them down for a nap. Would I like to run away to Bora Bora today?….absolutely…;)
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Oh how we are in similar situations 😉 I always thought I wanted to move away from home when I got older and given that when I married my husband we were going to be moving from Army base to Army base. I got what I wanted in the fact that I would be living away from home and from my home state. Now, I find myself wanting to move back any chance we get. But I don’t foresee that happening anytime in the near future. I also can relate on the job thing too. I hate that now that I’ll have a full time job soon, that I won’t be home as much with L to do all the normal things. I’m going to be missing out so much and I don’t know how I’m going to be able to handle it.
I do hope you find the stability in all of this. I know how it is being so indecisive, because you only want the best for you and your family; because I want the same thing for me too. Oh life’s obstacles, they can only make us stronger right?! lol.
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Hi Erika! I hope you find the firmness in all of this. I know how it is being so unable to make up your mind, because you only want the best for you and your family.
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I absolutely can identify with this post. I am very much the same way, and have been trying really hard to learn to live more in the moment and plan less. It is not easy, but for me becoming a mom made it easier. I feel that desire to enjoy every moment with my bubs, and even though I don’t always succeed in making it happen, I try a lot more than before he was around 🙂
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