It’s been a while since I’ve written anything on here. Partially because I’ve been playing around with blog design and setting up my new site, but mostly because I took a little vacation from my computer. Then I got sick with a pretty debilitating cold this week. I’m not completely recovered, so please forgive me if this gets a little rambley. I feel like my head’s in a fog still.
Of course I’ve still made occasional stops on FB and twitter because I have them on my phone (and I maybe, slightly addicted… shhh!). But that’s ok.
Why did I take this break? I just felt like I needed some time to reflect on both our family and me. As I’ve been talking about a lot lately, we’re in the process of buying a house right now and I’m starting my third trimester. But also, if you’ve been following me for any length of time, you already know I’ve struggled a lot since Little Man’s birth with who I want to be. I have a feeling this is something every mother struggles with, whether she decides to stay home, work from home, or work outside of the home. What I’ve really come to terms with this past week or so is: I “can’t have my cake and eat it too”. I’ll get more into that tomorrow, with a (hopefully) clearer head, though.
So, in following suit with all the reruns that have been on TV this week, and even some of the blogs I read, AND since a lot of you are new in the past year, I’ll direct you to some of the posts I’ve written to give you a better idea of what I’m talking about as far as struggling with my identity.
What you should know before you read these posts, if you didn’t already know this, is I currently stay home with Little Man and do not have an outside job. I should also mention that when I go back and read some of these I cringe a little, but I think it’s hard to reread your own words from the past sometimes. Here are some of the topics I’ve covered in my quest for self-discovery since resigning from my full-time position in IT almost two years ago:
- Career vs SAHM: decision to stay home
- Overcoming Self-Doubt about staying home
- Self realization and identity without a career
- (a guest post on another site)
These posts are mainly about my decision to leave my former career and my internal struggle accepting that decision. I’ve written a few posts more recently about other careers I’m interested in, such as birth Doula, maybe midwifery someday, and graphic/web design.
Basically, what I’m realizing, and will expand on more tomorrow, is: since trying to come to terms with not working outside of the home, I’ve done nothing but try to find other jobs that might be more family friendly schedule wise or that I could do from home. The thing is, I’m not sure my “dream”, family friendly job really exists and, even if it did, I’d still end up sacrificing something in the long run.