I had a natural birth, I still breastfeed my toddler, and I try to feed my child nutritious and, often, organic foods. At the same time, I buy us all fast food occasionally, we don’t practice a family bed, I let Little Man watch more TV than he should, and I take him for his routine vaccinations. So where does that leave me?
Why do I feel like I’m always caught in the middle between main stream and holistic.?
I’ve been feeling this way since I had Little Man, and lately I’m just fed up.
I’m not weird because I breastfeed my toddler. It’s a nice and healthy thing for me to continue on until his second birthday (and maybe longer). I, however, also have no intention of tandum nursing when the next baby comes. Sorry, but I don’t want to feel like a cow with constantly exposed udders and I know that’s how I would feel. Lots of women do it and I think it’s beautiful when I see it. I just know I won’t be able to take that without feeling like a complete disaster.
I’m a Christian. It makes me crazy how many all natural parents out there seem to think no person with a brain can have a religion. It’s just insulting. That’s really all I have to say about that. I can’t tell you how many attachment parenting, unschooling, holistic blog posts I have read that make me feel like they’re raising their children to be so much more aware and intelligent by not adhering to any “silly holiday traditions”. Something tells me there are just as many educated Christians out there as atheists, we just choose to believe in something greater than ourselves without questioning it. That doesn’t make us any less intelligent.
I call myself an attachment parent because I do my best to foster a a healthy attachment with my child. I treat him with the love and respect he deserves. That does not mean, however, that I never say the wrong thing or raise my voice. I’m human. Sometimes I get frustrated and raising my voice is the only answer for me. I was yelled at plenty as a child, and to be quite honest, I think it made me a more responsible adult. Sometimes, being yelled at, snapped me out of whatever funk I was in and allowed me to stop what I was doing and realize that I was, usually unintentionally, frustrating my parents. It didn’t scar me or make me feel like I couldn’t trust them. In fact, I have always had, and continue to have, an extremely close relationship with them. I always knew they loved and believed in me.
I hope this didn’t offend anyone. That wasn’t my intention. I’m just a little sick of filtering myself to fit into a box that I simply don’t fit into. I’m me and I’m going to raise my child my way. I guess sometimes that means people will label me as an ignorant, bad parent. Oh well.
On that note, I’m going to look for some fun, family Christmas event to take my child to and maybe watch a little Miracle on 34th Street. 😉
#1 I miss you!
#2 I LOVE the re-design! The flowery pregnant lady is gorgeous!
#3 AMEN!
Seriously, my favorite posts are the un-censored ones. I can totally understand your frustration. It seems like the whole world wants to label everyone and that we often want to label ourselves just because of security or direction that it gives.
But the reality, as you said so well, is that we don’t always fit fully into the labels. And you’re also right that we shouldn’t be insulted for it or beat ourselves up over it.
Great post 🙂
I miss you too and thank you!! Exactly, we need to build ourselves and each other up for the very tough decisions we all make every day. 🙂
I, too, understand your frustration. Between you and me (and, y’know, any of your readers) the book I am working on right now touches on this subject.
I went the natural route with labor and delivery, we cloth diaper, bed share, Jonas is 28 months and still breastfeeding, and we chose not to vaccinate. We let him watch cartoons, he gets to eat french fries on occasion and yes, we will spank/scold if it is needed.
Every decision we made was an informed one, one we didn’t take lightly. We are also a household that believes in God. Our trust in the way he created our bodies is one of the reasons we trust the science behind the natural decisions we made. I also get sick of people thinking that my decisions aren’t educated ones because belief in God is a factor. (And that’s all I’ll say about that…I could post an entire blog on the topic.)
I’m sure I’m considered an AP, but in AP circles there are probably parents that would be horrified with some of my choices.
Stupid labels. I propose we just start calling ourselves “parents”. 🙂
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I can’t wait to hear more about and read your book.
I love that you said this: “Our trust in the way he created our bodies is one of the reasons we trust the science behind the natural decisions we made.” I couldn’t agree more; that’s our perspective as well.
What you said about AP circles is exactly my frustration. I just feel like they can be so judgmental and, unless you fit into their tidy little box, you’re not supposed to call yourself AP. My interpretation of AP is that it’s the intention to create a safe, secure bond with your child that matters. There is no one way to accomplish that because every child and parent are so different.
Anyway, deal. Just parents it is!
Love this post! I agree with the other commenters. I really dislike the parenting “style” labels anyway, as you know. Li’l man is a blessed little guy as will be the new baby. They have God centered, loving parents who care to stay informed about the ways in which they can enrich their children’s lives, and are intelligent enough to follow their own own instincts in parenting.
I too, LOVE the candid posts…and YOU!!
You are doing everything exactly right for you, your son, your family. Everyone has different beliefs, thoughts, ideas. It is hard not having a niche or neat box to fit into, but ultimately that makes you a great, unique parent to your child(ren) 🙂
Hang in there!
Thanks Michelle!
It’s not so much that I want to fit into a box. I just wish that people didn’t force everyone into the same box. I know you and I used to talk about this all the time. It just seems like people are one extreme or the other. I feel like I’m constantly trying to find the middle ground between: “What, you’re 23 month old sleeps in a crib in another room and you use a monitor?! How cruel!” and “I can’t believe your child wasn’t on a sleep schedule or sleeping through the night by 3 months!!”. This world is anything but black and white.
In any case, I completely agree with what you said. Thank you for the reminder!
I can definitely identify with this post! I don’t fit any specific mold, either… I think it is working well for both of us 🙂
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Thanks Branson! I agree 🙂
Thanks for this post, Erika. I have felt similarly with regard to labels, though some of my experience is maybe slightly different. Definitely agree with the ‘let’s just call ourselves parents’ comment, and might only add ‘loving parents’ to it – since no matter what ‘style’ one flows best within, we all love our kids. I definitely agree with the fringe feelings – I’m fringe in my Christian circles because of my holistic views, which for me, are like many here, completely routed in my faith in the Creator of all. And I’m fringe in my holistic circles for my Christian views, which are very much routed in history, fact, study, and mindful reality. I’m not sure where the idea of ‘blind faith’ actually comes from, because in biblical Christianity, the evidence abounds for the truths Jesus reveals and teaches. I also run into paradoxical labeling issues in the non-profit vs business worlds. I often feel like many of my business friends think I’m weird for running a for profit business to give most of it away beyond our family’s basic needs, and many of my non-profit friends think I’m weird to be working in the ‘for profit’ world. So many skewed views on money and business out there, I think. Anyways, I could write more – and there are plenty of illustrative stories to go with the fringe feelings, but need to finish up a few things before heading to bed. Ultimately, it’s our broken humanness and our unhealthy desire to compare and measure up to one another that drives us to label anyway, instead of just being confident and comfortable in who God has made each of us, with all our many complexities and the complexities of people who are very different from ourselves. In reality, the variations create both the beauty of the bigger picture and the unique destinies we’re each to fill individually in this epic story of history. Thanks again for a great post. I love that you share the real you – raw emotion and all. Keep on keeping it real. :o)
I respect your opinion and it does not offend me, on the contrary I think it is a bit right to voice your inner thoughts and let be heard by others. Here is one wishing you to have a merry christmas and an enjoyable new year.
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