A Heart More Focused

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Not about me. Not My Schedule.

March 19, 2012 By Erika Zane

19 Mar
Belong to nature

By Vincepal via Flickr Creative Commons

Torture. That’s always been my definition of waiting.

I know, impatience isn’t very yogi of me. Even at the height of my yoga practice, I found waiting difficult. Waiting for my body to do what I wanted as my practice progressed? Not my favorite part.

Parenting, though, has served as the most amazing lesson in patience, humility, and faith. It’s not about me. Nine tenths of the decisions I make on a daily basis have nothing to do with me, my wants, or my needs. Pregnancy’s obviously meant to prepare women for that. That’s what I think, anyway.

For most of my life, I’ve pretty much known what I want and how to get it. When buying things I needed, I did my research and bought them. No compulsive buying or window shopping here. Well, ok. Maybe some… My mom never liked shopping so she didn’t take us to the mall much as children and I just never acquired a taste for wandering around all day searching for things I might want or need. My husband frequently clarifies how much he loves this trait, in case I were to ever consider changing.

Just because I can delay gratification until I find the right thing, however, doesn’t mean I’m any good at waiting. Once I make up my mind on what I need (or often just want), I want it immediately. Buying a car or house, which can require waiting for financing, challenge me. Waiting for a baby in the final trimester? One of the hardest things ever.

Most of this pregnancy (i.e. 1st and 2nd trimesters) I found contentment in watching my belly grow and bonding with my toddler one-on-one, while I still could. Chasing Little Man around was still fairly easy and my belly didn’t pose much of an obstacle. Luckily, in my third trimester, I’ve had plenty of big life distractions, but now I’m in the home stretch and I’m ready. Wednesday’s my due date and, for some reason, I’ve had it in my head this whole time that this baby would be earlier than my very punctual first baby, who was born 12:23 PM on his due date. Part of the reason: my much larger stomach. Yes, I do know most women’s bellies grow faster for each baby after their first. Ok, fine. An early baby was what I wanted and there were no real signs to back up my suspicion.

I know there’s no way to really know when I will give birth. It’s all up to the little one growing inside me to decide he’s ready. And that’s what I want. I really want him to be completely ready. More than anything. Aside from wanting him strong and healthy of course. That’s a major part of the reason I chose the more natural route in the first place.

I don’t believe in early induction or scheduled anything for any reason outside of a medical necessity/emergency. But this part is hard! It’s so hard to relinquish control and trust that he’ll come at the perfect time for him. For now, I’ll just have to find satisfaction in improving on my waiting skills.

Maybe it’s just time for me to finally read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values by Robert Pirsig?

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Filed Under: Childbirth, Faith, Parenting

« Working Through My Fears. I’m Finally Ready.
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Comments

  1. Alexia @ Babies & Bacon says

    March 19, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    Impatience is probably my worst trait. I’m incredibly impatient. Thankfully I didn’t have to wait too long for this baby. But just remember…this waiting is all about reminding you to be in the moment and go with the flow and let nature take it course. I will be thinking of you and sending prayers your way!!
    Alexia @ Babies & Bacon recently posted..(Nearly) Wordful Wednesday: In These Quiet Moments

    • Erika @NaMammaSte says

      March 21, 2012 at 1:54 pm

      Thanks Alexia. I know. I’ve wanted so badly to do something to speed things up (ie: pressure points), but I kept stopping myself. Now that I’ve reached my due date, though, I might start trying some of the natural methods for birth induction (NOT castor oil… not ready for that). But we’ll see. I do want to be in the moment and let nature take it’s course.

  2. Paige Kellerman says

    March 19, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    Hey Erika!
    Sorry I haven’t made it over to the blog in a while, but I’m so glad to hear you’re doing well! I know waiting at that point is sooo hard, but look on the bright side..at least you’ll have a beautiful baby very soon, and I still have to wait until September! Woe is me..LOL You’ll do great! Can’t wait to see pictures!
    Paige Kellerman recently posted..My Book Comes Out of Hiding

    • Erika @NaMammaSte says

      March 21, 2012 at 1:57 pm

      Hi Paige! I’ve missed you 🙂 I totally understand, though. You’ve had a lot on your plate, too! Thanks for the encouragement!

  3. Jessica Jefferson says

    March 20, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Being impatient is never useful. It is a negative trait to have. I know a lot of people who had to wait for longer a baby, but all of them are doing well now. I’m sure you will do great as well. Hope to see pictures of you and your baby soon.
    Take care.

    -Jessica
    Jessica Jefferson recently posted..how to get a girlfriend

  4. Lacey @ KV Organics says

    March 20, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    Praying for you, mama. 🙂
    Lacey @ KV Organics recently posted..Growing Segment

    • Erika @NaMammaSte says

      March 21, 2012 at 1:59 pm

      Thanks Lacey! I need lots of prayers!

Trackbacks

  1. Only one more left! {Baby Wyatt’s 1st Year – Wordless Wed} says:
    March 5, 2013 at 11:42 pm

    […] can tell you what I was doing about a year ago.  Wishing Wyatt would hurry up, but ready to wait as long as he needed.  Unlike the day before he was born when I was […]

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About me

Hello and welcome.  It’s been a while.  For Lent this year I decided to fast from the thing that took too much of my attention from what is truly important: Social Media.  Though there are countless amazing benefits to Social Media, after about a month offline so far, there are seemingly just as many negatives.  I never realized how much of my brain had been hijacked by it.  I’ve had so many revelations about how much easier it is to move forward when I’m not constantly reminded of the past.  But I still want to record my family as they grow at this ridiculous speed and, I’m realizing, so many of our family’s memories are here.  Those along with so many of the struggles and stages we’ve worked through.  Maybe in the midst of COVID19 isolation and my kids around me so often, I’m brought back to a time when they were too young for school and with me so often.  Writing here during that time helped make up for the limited adult conversation in my days and the overwhelm provided by my… little treasures 😉 My husband, fur babies, three fiesty kids, and I hereby extend an invitation to visit this little sneak peak into our life. We’re super flawed and broken and there aren’t too many dull moments around here.  And I promise it’s not always as magical as some of my golden hour, sun-soaked images would suggest.  There’s usually too much coffee in my system and we welcome all the prayers.  Come on over if you want to process with me.

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