I feel a little like I’m drowning. I’m spending a lot of time the past few days trying to stay afloat and not fall apart.
I want to exude optimism about motherhood, but after three cases of mastitis in a one month time span and a recent bought of colic, I’m struggling. I can get out of bed and function just fine and I’m not having bad thoughts. I’ve just been happier.
After Littlest One’s birth, when my milk came in, I got mastitis and decided to opt for the antibiotics. Within two days of finishing them, I got it again. Then again about two days after that round. Basically, every time I got into a rhythm and started to feel like I had this mom of two gig down, I’d be stuck in bed with a painful breast and fever again. That doesn’t really help a new mamma’s morale.
Then there was the tragic loss of my close friend’s twin boys, Julian & Preston, at 19 weeks. Obviously, that was hardest on her, and her loss isn’t about me. But it did affect me. I love her and her family and it was a hard loss.
The past few days have been especially rough. We gave Littlest One a bottle two days ago and he’s been a gassy, uncomfortable mess ever since. He may be going through his 6wk old growth spurt, too. I can’t put him down for five seconds to get a glass of water without him falling apart. He doesn’t like the Moby unless I’m in continuous motion. That and he apparently wants continuous access to my breast. Even when he’s not hungry. Not so easy to handle when my toddler needs my attention, too.
I’ve started three, THREE, posts this week and haven’t had the time to finish any of them.
This is hard! It’s such an adjustment and I’m doing my best to have patience with myself, but it is hard. I didn’t want to write this post for fear of scaring anyone who’s pregnant with their second, but there are so many factors that have contributed to my feelings. I also don’t like venting on here.
I know I’m blessed. I know we’re so lucky to have our boys and I’m so lucky to be home with them. Most days really are great. But today, on this gloomy day, I just need to put these feelings out there. I need to put them somewhere and not internalize them. Thanks for listening 🙂