At one time, Facebook was peripheral for me. I lived life and usually forgot about my account. I’d get on a couple times a week at most. I loved it. It was a place to keep my memories and connect with people. Occasionally. I always knew when my life was a little slow or I wasn’t getting out enough because I was on Facebook too much.
I don’t know if my last post came across the way I meant it to, to everyone. I was trying to say that Facebook friends are great but shouldn’t replace real life friends. If it gets to the point where all your friends are online, I think there’s a problem.
Some people on Facebook had awesome reactions (ha!), but I was “unfriended” by others. That’s fine. I liked them, but I’ll be ok. Plus, it really doesn’t matter at all now that I shut down my account. It did, however, solidify how I was already feeling: I have absolutely ZERO desire to relive high school.
Does anyone really love high school? I liked it more than middle school, but I couldn’t wait to get to college. I never fit in. I don’t mean that in a “poor me” sort of way. I know why. Well, I didn’t really know why at the time, but I figured out later. I didn’t fit in because I didn’t understand that “fitting in” meant changing something about me. I wasn’t a leader, but I wasn’t a follower and that left me somewhere between the popular kids and the losers with friends but no real “group”. Or maybe I was just a loser…
I feel like Facebook recreates high school. It’s like a chance for all of us who weren’t accepted then to feel accepted now. That’s my take on it anyway. I think that’s why it was so hard for me to walk away. I mean, I had 700 something “friends” on there! But, today it just kind of clicked: I don’t need the drama. I don’t want to get on my account everyday and try to figure out who’s mad at me and why.
I’m not better than everyone and I certainly don’t feel above other people’s problems. It’s actually the exact opposite. Ask my husband. He’s beyond sick of me worrying about everyone all the time. I lay awake at night, every.single.night worrying about other people until my body gets to the point of complete exhaustion and forces my brain to shut down for the night (cue crying baby). Needless to say, I haven’t been operating on much sleep the past three months. I’m not Mother Theresa and I fall short all the time, but I am not guilty of thoughtlessness. Inaction, sure, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. It means I’m an disorganized, sleep deprived, disaster who can’t keep up with showers, nonetheless other people.
So I’m taking a break. I’m not sure if it’s permanent yet or not. Yesterday, I mentioned taking a step back from Facebook rather than getting off completely, but I lied. I just needed to shut it down to avoid the temptation to get back on and peek. I’m still blogging because I like the idea of recording our parenting journey and decisions to reference later. I also hope it’s occasionally a guide for other parents trying to live a similar lifestyle. I just need a vacation from my virtual social life so I can live a more peaceful and intentional real life with my toddler and baby for a while. I’ll probably have a little more fun and maybe even get a little more rest while I’m at it!
FYI, the blog Facebook page is still up and running and I’ll be on there from time to time.