A Heart More Focused

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What I love most about having more than one child

August 30, 2012 By Erika Zane

30 Aug

I never understood why my mom cared so much about my sister and me having our own unique interests. I didn’t get why she wanted us to pursue our own separate dreams and not copy each other or compare ourselves… until now. My second just turned five months old this weekend and I already get it. Isn’t that crazy?

Want to know what else? I felt it the second I laid down with Little Hiccup on my chest.

I’d say the second he was handed to me, but anyone who knows my birth story knows why that doesn’t work. I caught him and then I had to get out of the pool and lay down before I could really soak it all in. But you get my drift. Or catch it. Anyway…

I didn’t really understand it at first. I just felt this overwhelming sense of frustration when people told me how much alike my boys seemed. Whether they were commenting on appearance or personality, it just bugged me. When people asked if they were similar, I almost cut them off with my response, “No”. Even when Hubby would compare sleeping habits or colicky-ness, I’d snap, “they’re much different.”

I almost wrote a post a few months ago pondering if my experience with our second child had more to do with me feeling more confident and laid back or his unique personality. I put it off for fear of a lack of coherence in my sleep deprived state. The sleepless nights haven’t really ended yet, but I’m either getting better at functioning or I think I’m making more sense than I am. Sorry if the latter is true! In any case, I think a combination of nature and nurture may be to blame for their differences.

With the arrival of the five month milestone, LH’s personality emerges more and more each day. Every day, I get to learn more about him and every day I realize I’ve known him from the start. Everything from his birth, to his first day out of the womb, to how he nurses is different with this child. He’s one chill dude. But, the fact that I’m rarely able to respond to him as quickly as I could with my first probably plays a part in his chillness, too.

You’d think the difference in his personality would be enough for this mamma, but I still find myself trying to expose their differences to the extent of maybe creating a few that don’t exist. For instance, I refused to acknowledge that they looked anything alike for a while. I give that one up. They do. They aren’t twins or anything, but they definitely look similar.

So why do I do this?

I’m smitten with my first child. I think he’s amazing. I just want my second to get a shot at his own version of amazing. A shot outside of the shadow of my first. I want them to grow up loving and respecting each other for their individual strengths without any sense of bitterness. I don’t want them constantly competing for the same things because I can already tell how different they are.

I love watching their very different personalities blossom. I love that I get to contribute to the lives of two such uniquely special boys. What an incredible blessing.

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Filed Under: baby, brothers, Family, Parenting

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Comments

  1. Ericka Evans says

    August 31, 2012 at 4:10 am

    You’re much like me. I have tow little boys and I would like to nurture to pursue their own interests and not copy each other. You’re doing the right thing.
    Ericka Evans recently posted..Max Workouts Review

  2. Dana says

    August 31, 2012 at 10:22 am

    Hey Girl!
    I’ve tried to reach out to you a couple times. I finally came here and I see that you’ve been posting. I hope everything is OK. Life is a roller-coaster. I had some major bumps in the road after Lauren was born too. Please reach out to me when you can. I’d love to catch up.

    Just remember, you are an amazing woman and mother and you give so much to your children and family. I hope you’re enjoying the last few days of the summer as much as possible.

    -Dana

  3. Lacey @ KV Organics says

    August 31, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Oh Erika, so true. With so many variable, it’s hard to find that healthy balance sometimes between encouraging the ways in which they are similar and the ways in which they are different. And wow are they all different. And it only gets more challenging as they get older and become aware of our deep rooted cultural influences of competition and such. Ugh. We’re just praying and working to instill in them a love and respect of each other and how God has uniquely gifted and called each on of them. Praying hard that this takes root and crowds out the weeds and noise of the world around us.
    Lacey @ KV Organics recently posted..Lovely Buncha (Coconut Oil GIVEAWAY)

  4. Michelle says

    August 31, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    So true! Lovely post. Enjoy your two beautiful boys!

  5. Alicia Cooper says

    September 1, 2012 at 2:42 am

    I was a little worried that my girls wouldn’t be super close as they are 4 yrs apart and at such different stages in life but I wanted my daughter to have that best friend and support…my oldest sang to my belly all the time and took such good care of me during my pregnancy and she was the first one besides my husband to hold her sister..the baby started to cry and she sang twinkle twinkle and the baby instantly stopped crying..I knew then that they were so in love with each other…they have the most amazing relationship and its only just begun…my oldest is 5 and my baby is 17 mos and they are inseperable…when the baby gets upset she cries for her sister and her sister shares everything possible and does as much as she possibly can for her and it’s the most amazing and heart warming feeling I could ever ask for!

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About me

Hello and welcome.  It’s been a while.  For Lent this year I decided to fast from the thing that took too much of my attention from what is truly important: Social Media.  Though there are countless amazing benefits to Social Media, after about a month offline so far, there are seemingly just as many negatives.  I never realized how much of my brain had been hijacked by it.  I’ve had so many revelations about how much easier it is to move forward when I’m not constantly reminded of the past.  But I still want to record my family as they grow at this ridiculous speed and, I’m realizing, so many of our family’s memories are here.  Those along with so many of the struggles and stages we’ve worked through.  Maybe in the midst of COVID19 isolation and my kids around me so often, I’m brought back to a time when they were too young for school and with me so often.  Writing here during that time helped make up for the limited adult conversation in my days and the overwhelm provided by my… little treasures 😉 My husband, fur babies, three fiesty kids, and I hereby extend an invitation to visit this little sneak peak into our life. We’re super flawed and broken and there aren’t too many dull moments around here.  And I promise it’s not always as magical as some of my golden hour, sun-soaked images would suggest.  There’s usually too much coffee in my system and we welcome all the prayers.  Come on over if you want to process with me.

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