A Heart More Focused

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Should I really worry about the mile when I give an inch?

October 4, 2012 By Erika Zane

4 Oct

“Why?!  Why do you always have to take it one step further, Little Man?”

Tonight, those words came out faster than I could catch myself and they hit me like a freight train.

I’ve heard that sentence a few times in my life.  Usually from my dad, but I’ve heard it frequently from both parents over the course of my life.  The last time wasn’t all that long ago.

Taking things a step (or more) too far is an art form, you know.

Wait, that makes it sound like it’s something I’m proud of.  I’m not at all.  In fact, I frequently want to slap myself in retrospect.

Some of that is just youth.  I’ve learned to hold back more with age, but a lot of that is my personality under three circumstances: when I’m excited about something, when my feelings are hurt, and when I feel judged.

Watching his little personality develop and noticing how much he has in common with me is both amazing and absolutely terrifying.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten frustrated with him and realized (sometimes before I respond, but not often enough) how much he’s like me.

Isn’t it funny how having kids immediately shifts the focus from what your parents didn’t do for you, to how much they did?  Or is that just me?

Taking something “too far” can be a great thing if we’re talking about persistence in something like a talent.  My parents often expressed how great they thought it was that I didn’t give up on trying out for things (ie: musicals, choir solos, marching band leadership positions) no matter how many times I didn’t get them.  Ok, clearly I didn’t have the talent, but that’s not the point.  My mom always told me the same story about a friend who made it in an opera career due to persistence.  I’m sure there was some talent involved there, too, but she didn’t give up.  And I want that for Little Man.

What I don’t want for LM is a lonely future.  I really believe that the same trait that makes it possible for him to be persistent about something he cares about goes hand in hand with taking things a step further than anyone else would, in general.

For instance, I don’t believe most people enjoy a friend who routinely takes arguments too far, like I used to.  Let’s just pretend I don’t do that anymore…

How do I foster something that can obviously result in something great, while teaching him the possible disadvantages?  Do I even need to worry about it?  I don’t know.

I know that I see his heart in everything he does and I pray that others do, too.  I believe he’s like me in other ways that have helped me, like: he’s quick to cool down, forgive, and ask for forgiveness.  I just know that for me that hasn’t always been enough.  As my mother’s pointed out, words can be sharp and some wounds are just too deep.

Parenting’s hard.  It’s a rough journey.  It’s so difficult to know which traits to encourage.

Should I just recognize what he has in common with me and give him the grace of understanding where he’s coming from?  Should I discourage the traits which I know have brought me pain to spare him?  Or are those “bad” traits tied to some major strengths?

There’s no right answer and that’s the hardest part.  But, thankfully, there’s a bible verse that fits (thanks for reminding me of this verse today Ashley) Proverbs 10:12 – Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers all wrongs.  All I can do is love my son.  If every decision I make is based out of love, then God will take it from there.

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Filed Under: Faith, Parenting

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Comments

  1. Branson says

    October 5, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    Oh boy I definitely get this! I so desperately want Aiden to not become a crazy perfectionist like me… but I don’t want him to be complacent or lazy either lol. I love your conclusion, though… all we can do is love them and do our best and realize that God is really the one in control! 🙂
    Branson recently posted..The Bubs and The Babbling…

  2. Angela says

    October 8, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    I can totally relate to this! Thank you for writing this and putting my daily struggles into perspective 🙂
    Angela recently posted..Gentle Discipline And Our Family

  3. Kenyon Erick says

    October 10, 2012 at 6:48 am

    But i want to think about parenting positively. And also i want to honor your personality and creativity. thanks for sharing.
    Kenyon Erick recently posted..kimkardashiansextapevideos.com

  4. Nicole says

    October 11, 2012 at 1:24 am

    But sometimes you may have concerns, and find ways to address them without hurting her feelings leaves you nervous and undecided. This is especially true when the concern you have is about her weight.
    Nicole recently posted..Yeast Infection Treatment Guide

  5. Sara Marshall says

    October 11, 2012 at 10:44 am

    I can so understand this, and relate to this also. Thank for writing this !
    Sara Marshall recently posted..A List of Foods that Affect Oral Health

Trackbacks

  1. Putting away Ogre Mommy says:
    November 13, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    […] him around.  I want him to have the confidence to go after his passions, as I’ve mentioned before.  I want to teach him to question everything and not just do what he’s instructed to do […]

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About me

Hello and welcome.  It’s been a while.  For Lent this year I decided to fast from the thing that took too much of my attention from what is truly important: Social Media.  Though there are countless amazing benefits to Social Media, after about a month offline so far, there are seemingly just as many negatives.  I never realized how much of my brain had been hijacked by it.  I’ve had so many revelations about how much easier it is to move forward when I’m not constantly reminded of the past.  But I still want to record my family as they grow at this ridiculous speed and, I’m realizing, so many of our family’s memories are here.  Those along with so many of the struggles and stages we’ve worked through.  Maybe in the midst of COVID19 isolation and my kids around me so often, I’m brought back to a time when they were too young for school and with me so often.  Writing here during that time helped make up for the limited adult conversation in my days and the overwhelm provided by my… little treasures 😉 My husband, fur babies, three fiesty kids, and I hereby extend an invitation to visit this little sneak peak into our life. We’re super flawed and broken and there aren’t too many dull moments around here.  And I promise it’s not always as magical as some of my golden hour, sun-soaked images would suggest.  There’s usually too much coffee in my system and we welcome all the prayers.  Come on over if you want to process with me.

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