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Are you the mother you thought you’d be?

November 29, 2012 By Erika Zane

29 Nov

The person I was pre-kids probably wouldn’t recognize or understand the me of today.

Did you get that?

My kids changed a whole lot about my life, but that’s not all they changed.  They changed who I am at a very base level.  It was subtle enough that I couldn’t put my finger on what had changed for a long time.  I just felt kind of…. well, crazy.

Andy and I watch the show “Parenthood” regularly.  It’s one of the few shows we both get the same amount of enjoyment out of.  I could probably write a whole other post on the TV remote battles that happen around here.

Last night’s episode focused a lot on the character Julia.  She recently quit her all-encompassing law career to spend more time with her kids.  At one point in the episode, she lashed out at her husband for taking an amazing career opportunity.  At that point, Andy turned to me and said, “What’s her deal?  She’s going crazy!” and I smiled.  Though I totally understood his perspective, I also knew exactly what Julia was going through.  She was having an internal battle with herself over wanting to stay home vs. feeling completely out of her element.  In that moment, I realized how much I’ve changed over the past year or so.

I remember the career oriented woman I was even a year after my decision to stay home with Dylan.  I felt like such an outsider at every.single.playgroup I attended.  I constantly thought about returning to work.  I remember feeling awkward and disconnected and like I didn’t know what to talk about with other moms.  I put up walls because I felt like I didn’t belong.

At some point over the past few months, though, that changed.  I’m not exactly sure when or how, but it did.  My friendship with Diana and other local moms definitely helped me feel accepted.  Thank you ladies!  I also think part of it is not having the time or energy to over-evaluate every decision I make about my kids.  Things that were important when I only had one child, just aren’t anymore.

Maybe even more important than those reasons, though, is time.  Oh time.  It’s a game changer.  The longer I do something, the less I question my ability.  I mean, it makes sense.  Practice makes perfect, right?

Motherhood changes a lot anyway, but the shift from a corporate career to stay-at-home-mom is a huge one.  I sometimes wonder if I would have been better off adjusting to staying home prior to having a baby or adjusting to motherhood prior to leaving my career.  I don’t think so, though.  I’m not sure it matters how gradual the transition is or not.  What matters most is knowing what your priorities are and staying true to yourself.

Bottom line?  You can prepare all you want for kids.  You can save and buy the “right” house and read a million parenting books, like we did, but only time, experience, and faith will equip you as a parent.  I don’t think anyone really knows who they’ll be after kids.  Also?  I’m thankful to God for that.

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Filed Under: baby, Family, motherhood, Parenting

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Comments

  1. lori says

    November 29, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    Great post!!! I don’t think i’m quite there yet, in understanding who I am as a mother, since my baby in only 3 months old. I hope i find some clarity like you did, in the future. I also love the show Parenthood and am trying to convince my husband to watch it again with me. I think he might see the show in a different light now that we are parents.

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About me

Hello and welcome.  It’s been a while.  For Lent this year I decided to fast from the thing that took too much of my attention from what is truly important: Social Media.  Though there are countless amazing benefits to Social Media, after about a month offline so far, there are seemingly just as many negatives.  I never realized how much of my brain had been hijacked by it.  I’ve had so many revelations about how much easier it is to move forward when I’m not constantly reminded of the past.  But I still want to record my family as they grow at this ridiculous speed and, I’m realizing, so many of our family’s memories are here.  Those along with so many of the struggles and stages we’ve worked through.  Maybe in the midst of COVID19 isolation and my kids around me so often, I’m brought back to a time when they were too young for school and with me so often.  Writing here during that time helped make up for the limited adult conversation in my days and the overwhelm provided by my… little treasures 😉 My husband, fur babies, three fiesty kids, and I hereby extend an invitation to visit this little sneak peak into our life. We’re super flawed and broken and there aren’t too many dull moments around here.  And I promise it’s not always as magical as some of my golden hour, sun-soaked images would suggest.  There’s usually too much coffee in my system and we welcome all the prayers.  Come on over if you want to process with me.

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