Seeking Balance and Joy

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I don’t really know what to talk about.

I mean in general.  I’m not great at making conversation on the spot anyway, but I just feel tongue tied lately.  When I meet new people I feel like most of what I say doesn’t leave my mouth the way I intend or doesn’t make sense.  Even what I write feels awkward.

I’m sure distraction plays a big role.  And insecurity.  We’re still living with a fair amount of disorder while attempting to act like everything’s normal.

Want to know the hardest thing for me?  Dylan’s preschool.  We found one run out of a nearby church that really closely aligns with the Montessori curriculum D was used to and he seems to really, really love his teachers and new friends.  I, unfortunately, have not found the same comfort there.

The office manager or coordinator at D’s preschool gives me a very strained smile every day.  I don’t really know what the problem is, but I’m pretty certain there is one, despite my efforts.  We’ve spoken about a few late pickups, which I apologized for and I’ve shown up early ever since.   We don’t have our doctor check-up forms in yet, but I’m finding it difficult to get a new patient appointment this time of year.  I also didn’t help out with his school Thanksgiving party two days after we moved into our house.  I don’t think she realizes what culture shock this is for me or that I really am trying.

I’m a little frustrated with her, too.  I just feel like… well, why can’t I have a little wiggle room?  I know, I should get there early enough to sit down with her and have a conversation.

In any case, I’m struggling to find focus and live in the moment.  My feelings of inadequacy are affecting everything.  My to-do list is so long that it feels impossible and I know I’m focusing on the wrong things.  I’m trying to unpack and organize the house, but I’m also trying to ease our family into a new environment and make the transition as smooth as possible.  In between boxes, I still need to take D to and from preschool, make dinner, and find time to play occasionally.

Life is such a balancing act and I’m putting too much pressure on myself.  At every turn, there’s a new stumbling block and just when I feel I’ve found my stride, I trip again.  But that’s okay.  It’s very humbling and that’s good.  There are blessings in my struggles if I take the time to acknowledge them.

I’m so grateful for everything we have and everything that’s happened, despite feeling overwhelmed.  I know I’m allowing myself to believe lies when I feel insecure.  I know God builds up and encourages and the negativity I’m feeling doesn’t help anything or anyone.  We have everything we need and we’ll get where we need to be… eventually.

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Comments

  1. Erika, we need to talk. I’ve just spent this entire week reading, watching and researching the facts behind “unschooling”. I know this is radical, and maybe it’s not your cup of tea. But I’ve come to realized that once we move to south dakota, we will be taking a natural learning approach to our children’s education. If you want to talk more about it, PM me or call me. I can give you some resources to start reading/watching. Long story short…children learn everyday whether they’re in school systems or not. oxoxo

    • I’ve heard of that! I love the idea of unschooling! I honestly haven’t done enough research, because when I first considered the idea, Dylan was too young to consider anything that seriously and I had a teacher friend who was pretty outspoken against it. Things have changed a lot, though. It might be perfect for us. The main argument I’ve heard against it is that children need structure. I think that’s about as accurate as children “needing” socialization as an argument against homeschooling. I think kids need a certain amount of structure in the form of daily routines, but I think encouraging what they’re already interested in has the potential for greater success than even the best curriculum. In theory anyway. I’ve met so many bright guys over the years who rebelled against their school system to the detriment of their own learning. In any case, I agree with you about children learning everyday and I’d love to hear more!

  2. I’m praying that you find peace and will be able to settle down and be happy. Just smile and be sweet with the lady you’re having trouble with. If she has a problem, then it’s HER problem, and as long as it isn’t affecting your little one, I wouldn’t worry about it. If it DOES start having a negative impact on him, then that’s when it’s a problem. Just breathe. Things will get better.

    • Thanks Lauralynn. I definitely will continue being sweet and just monitor how Dylan’s feeling there. Based on some things he’s said recently, I’m beginning to wonder if he’s as happy there as I thought. Anyway, thank you so much for your encouragement. I feel so blessed to have connected with you!

Trackbacks

  1. […] at the beginning of the month (aka year).  Christmas break gave me time to think about how I was feeling about his school and why.  I realized it wasn’t just me, it was him, too.  I think we […]

  2. […] we moved, we put him in a non-Montessori preschool that was really more of a daycare in their mentality.  School started precisely at 9 and pick-up was by noon and not one.single.minute earlier or later […]

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