Oh how many times I’ve gotten on here and thought, I need to blog more often. I’m not really sure what keeps me away. It’s so soothing to write and so refreshing to get feedback and know that I’m not alone.
Oh wait, my kids. That’s why I don’t get on here more!
No, but really. It didn’t used to be that hard to sit down for a few minutes and have a coherent thought, but lately, it just is. It could be pregnancy brain, but I think it’s the stage my boys are in right now. Especially Wyatt. Although… they both seem to require more attention than usual lately. Hmm. Maybe it’s really me feeling guilty about stealing away for a half-hour or so for something that’s just mine.
Yup, that last one.
I can tell you for sure, a big part of the problem is the pressure I put on myself to schedule things for my kids to do every morning. I feel like I need to get them out of the house everyday and plan events for them. Why? I didn’t have an event planned for me every.single.day during my childhood and I always had a flourishing imagination.
This morning, I’m not feeling 100%. I don’t know if my body’s just tired because I didn’t sleep well last night or what? It’s not exactly a rare occurrence, but maybe I’ve just finally had enough restless nights to run out of energy entirely.
You know, too many pillows and then too few after flinging them all off. Is there ever a perfect number of pillows while pregnant?
I think there may also be a cold in my future, but whatever the case, I made the decision that it’s a good enough reason to stay home this morning.
You know what? It feels really good. It’s really freeing to let myself off the hook and direct the kids to play outside on their playset or downstairs with there numerous toys. To give myself a day to reflect and plan and catch up on
chores ::cough:: blogging ::cough::. I used to get a lot done in the evening, but I’m really at my best in the morning lately. That’s not exactly “normal” for me in general, but with small children, everything changes!
There’s been a shift in the way I parent in general. When Dylan was around 18 months, I decided it was a priority to set aside alone time, for both of us, where he had to entertain himself. I mean, within reason, right? I just knew it was important that he could use his imagination and entertain himself for more than 5 minutes. That didn’t always work out, but I tried. Now that there are two of them, I find it a lot harder to do that with them. Wyatt’s such a social little charmer and all he wants is my love and attention. I love watching him and playing with him, but some days I feel like I’m going to lose my mind if I don’t get one uninterrupted grown-up thought out of my head.
Seriously! It’s just as hard to get a full sentence out of my mouth with another adult without an interruption as it is to write one down. If my attention’s anywhere, but 100% on them, I think they take it as a challenge and the game is on.
This morning, a very smart, sensitive, nurturing mother and amazing friend of mine (Thanks Michelle!) shared a post she found called, Why Parenting Is So Hard For Us Introverts, which I loved. The writer talked about how children don’t give parents a break. That’s so true. With the number of “mommy videos” out there on social media, it would be hard for even none parents to be unaware of that fact. I know, everyone thinks that won’t be them. To be completely honest, I was probably the worst offender pre-kids. No matter how much of an effort I make to encourage their independence, the most time I get between screams or requests for help with something is about 10 minutes and that’s a stretch.
The thing is, I’m not really an introvert, I’m just barely an extrovert. I always come out right on the line when I take the personality tests. Meeting new friendly people and spending time around the people I love definitely gives me energy in general, but my kids generally do not. The amount of love I have for them is indescribable and I couldn’t be more thankful for the time I have with them. I believe, with all my heart, that the love I have for them has given me a renewed relationship with God because I finally understand His love and His frustrations with us a little better. That love is incredible and it’s made me do things I never-in-a-million-years thought I could/would do.
I don’t want to be too graphic, but if you aren’t a parent, just picture something that would normally cause you to feel light-headed or lose your last meal, and then imagine cleaning it up without even blinking. Or, well, maybe a little gagging, but you probably get what I mean.
We ALL need time to ourselves. As I read that post about parents needing to know their personalities and limits and accept that about themselves, I found myself thinking, “But these are my kids. How is it normal for a mother to want time away from her little miracles?”. But the truth is, even the greatest people, both intellectually and spiritually, needed time away from other people. The greatest example for me is Jesus. There are so many documented moments of him being alone. He’s not a woman, but even the biblical description of the perfect woman spent time alone (Proverbs 31). Of course, she had servants, but you know, in modern times, most of us have babysitters, friends, or family to help. All moms are human and we all have limits and the only way we can be the best mothers for our children, is if we take time away from them to stay clear-headed. That time alone will look different for every person because we’re all different, but it’s always important.
Of course, as I finish up this post, my husband is informing me that the kids are bored and he’s entertaining them… The joys of a work-at-home spouse. Oh well, it’s nothing a little snack for the boys couldn’t fix for now, but I may have just realized another factor in that parenting shift. And a topic he and I probably need to discuss sometime. See? Never a dull moment around here
So, what do you think? Do you struggle to find time for yourself? Do you make that a priority?