It’s not always neat or pretty.
The act of breastfeeding is beautiful. It’s amazing that I can provide for my baby with my body. It’s incredibly satisfying to watch the expression of complete contentment wash over his face as he nurses. That being said, it’s not a breeze either.
I’ve had just about every breastfeeding issue under the sun with both of my children. When Dylan was a baby, I had mastitis, ummm… about three times. Actually, it was at least three times, probably more like four or five.
I also had a reoccurring milk blister that started around the time D started sleeping through the night. Guess what age that fun started?
That’s right… seven months.
How old is Wyatt?
See where I’m going with this?
Since W’s birth, I’ve had clogged ducts and the beginnings of mastitis more times than I can count. Every.single.time I think I’m done, I have another issue.
Just to clarify, what I mean by “the beginnings of mastitis” is: I have a warm, red, sore area on my breast and I feel like I’m getting sick.
Today, as I sit here, I’m struggling to stay awake. I’m getting mastitis again, thanks to TWO milk blisters (one on each side) that won’t go away. I have no idea what to do to fix this disaster that is my body right now other than what I always do: eat as well as possible, take garlic and echinacea supplements, drink plenty of fluids, use warm compresses, get some fresh air and try to rest.
Rest… haha! “Try” being the operative word.
Honestly? As much as I want to be optimistic and power through, I’m tired. I’m a little sick of the discomfort. I’ve definitely had enough of the wincing in pain when either of the boys accidentally hits the affected area. I would love to call it quits right now.
I’m not really ready to give up yet, though. Not because I want to martyr myself, but because I know this is only a stage. I’ve been here before and it got better (like I talked about in this post).
Why am I telling you this? Because I think it’s important for other moms to know that breastfeeding hasn’t been easy for me either. I’m not sure it’s truly easy for anyone.
I love breastfeeding because, someday, I’ll look back without regret and only remember the moments of serenity when I was able to provide nutrients for my child. At least that’s my hope. But if it gets to be too much, I’m not afraid to stop. All I can do is try. I’m not super human and I don’t think anyone expects me to be.