It occurred to me this weekend that it has been over a year since I decided to stop pursuing my career in IT to spend all my time with my son. I was working from home and had been for a little over a year before Little Man was born, so to say I resigned to “stay home” with my son is not entirely accurate.
Check back tomorrow for my views on choosing the SAHM route. Today, I am just reflecting on one thing, after I provide some background: how long it took me to adjust to my new role in life.
Following my education, I spent about four years carefully constructing my career and, in many ways, creating an identity for myself. I had it set in my mind that I would work as hard as possible to move up the corporate ladder as quickly as possible. I did not just want any career. I wanted a successful career in which I was one of “the best”.
In retrospect, I pretty much accomplished that goal (accept for “being the best”, of course):
I found a niche in Information Technology (SAP data migrations) and I did my best to learn as much as I could as quickly as I could. I made connections and I pursued and landed my ideal job as an SAP data migration analyst for a large company on a five year project where I was allowed to work from home because I knew my boss from a previous company and he already had a global team in place.
What did my husband and I start discussing as soon as I found a job where I was allowed to work from home? Starting a family, duh! 🙂 We both thought that was the perfect scenario for kids. What we both did not anticipate was the longer hours that came along with a job like that AND the undivided attention that job still required. This meant that we still needed childcare and, in the end, part-time childcare just did not cut it because I was on the phone constantly at all times of the day 6AM to 8pm (I mentioned the global team, right?).
How long did it take me to adjust to my new, post outside career, life?
Until this month. Really. I am not exaggerating.
I think it took me one year and two months to fully embrace my new roll as a homemaker/SAHM. I have spent the past year bouncing back and forth between going back to work and staying home. I even started a new job at the beginning of the year, which was designed as, kind of, a loose contract to hire situation. I was hired on as a contractor for about a month with the possibility of hire once their budget was approved for the year (I knew the guy who hired me from another as well – yay networking!). It ended up falling through when it hit how little I would be getting to see Little Man considering how long my days were and what a good sleeper he was (7am to 7pm, at the time).
I wonder, though, if it has anything to do with working outside of the home (as in for an external company) vs being a SAHM or if it is just a period of change that all mothers have to deal with after having their first baby.
Can anyone else relate to that? Do you think you define or defined yourself by your career? Do you think it takes a woman, career or not and working or not, a long time to wrap her head around her new identity as a mother? Or do you think it is harder to adjust when a mom goes from a full-time career to homemaker?
I have not done this, but i have seen people transition from having a full time job to staying at home. There are certain people that really love the workplace, let it be what their career or the social aspect of the people one works with. I had a co-worker that tried for 3 years to stay at home with her daughter and she just missed working too much and decided to re-join the work force and I think she was an overall happier person, thus probably a better parent. I know, that my career in Architecture has never defined me and my identity is more defined as being with my friends and family and my hobbies so I know i will have no trouble staying at home when we have kids. I think it’s different for everyone. When starting a new job I think it takes a good 6 months to 1 year to feel comfortable in it, so it make sense to apply this to the transition from working to staying at home. Good luck!! I hope you are happy in whatever you decide to do.
Yes.
Yes.
And probably.
Yes, I define myself by my career. Or I did before kids, now I define myself as a working mom, so I still kind of do.
Yes. I think it takes a long time to get used to having kids and everyhting that comes with it. Loss of free time, loss of sleep, loss of income for shoes and purses, loss of the ability to be spontaneous. That first year, you feel like you lose so much and all you got was a baby that can’t talk, doesn’t eat real food and sleeps a lot (or doesn’t, which is equally frustrating). Sadly, i don’t think we notice all those good things about the first year until they are past us – or until we get to baby #2 as I’m now learning.
And I do think that it would be harder on a mom that quits with the birth of a baby. That’s two BIG adjustments to get used to. But it seems like you’re there and that’s a great thing. I think that no matter what a mom chooses to do, she needs to be able to find peace with it before she can really be happy day in and day out.