I know I said I’d talk about the BlogHer ’11 parties this week and this week is quickly drawing to a close, but I’m having trouble focusing on anything other than what’s been on my mind these last few day.
This is going to sound terrible, but after four days of self-discovery and dreaming about my future, it was a little bit of a shocker to come home to my life as a SAHM. I’m just going to say it. I’m eight weeks pregnant with baby number two and it’s really starting to sink in that this is my life. Does that make sense?
Nothing in my life has been as rewarding as raising my son. I’ve also talked about the tumultuous year that followed his birth and the discontinuation of my outside career before here and the acceptance/embrace of my path as a SAHM here. But now, the reality of another child joining the mix makes me feel like I’m completely locked into that decision from here on out. I don’t deal with feeling limited very well.
I realize that the world isn’t black and white and I don’t have to know 100% what I want to do with my life right.this.second. I also realize my options will open up a lot more as Little Man and baby #2 grow up, but the next few years at least, are starting to feel a little overwhelming.
I’m also struggling with the idea that soon I’ll barely have time to breath. Little Man never stops moving. I’m not kidding. It’s a nonstop circus around here. How in the heck am I going to keep up with two of them and find any time for myself?!
Yes, this post has an awful lot of “me” and “I” in it and that makes me feel really guilty. Life isn’t about just me anymore.
Right now, though, as I’ve woken up everyday the past few days feeling like I’m one wrong bite or sip away from running to the bathroom and that feeling has not been dissipating throughout the day, I’m struggling to think outside of myself. Everything seems like too much effort. If I could, I would probably spend all day in bed reading and sleeping.
Is that awful?
Congratulations on the baby on the way!! This post is not awful. It’s awesomely honest and you probably speak what’s on the mind of every SAHM who is pregnant with her 2nd child. I can identify and I’m not even pregnant. I have those thoughts just from thinking about getting pregnant again. Hang in there and do everything possible to treat yourself. You’ve got more than 8 months to figure things out and wrap your mind around this so just relax for now 🙂
Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama recently posted..Baby Led Weaning: Did it really work?
Thanks Charise. You’re right… eight months is a long time and probably more than enough to wrap my head around it! It’s really nice to know I’m not alone 🙂
P.S. I happened to read this poem right after this blog post. Thought you might appreciate it right now 😉
http://www.literarymama.com/poetry/archives/2011/08/quiet-mama.html
Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama recently posted..Baby Led Weaning: Did it really work?
That was beautiful! Thank you!
Not even a little awful! I am in the same boat at 9 weeks and feeling horrible! I have never wanted anything but to be a SAHM but I find myself wondering the very same thing “this is my life!?” What was I thinking wanting another baby?! How will I do it?!” I think it is all normal and probably we can’t imagine doing it right now because of the pure exhaustion of being pregnant and sick!
That is EXACTLY the thought I had today… “this is my life?!” I just woke up feeling terrible and Little Man was in such an obstinate mood from the second he woke up. I’m sure you’re right. Hopefully we’ll both start to feel better and it will be easier to think more clearly then!
1st of all, congrats! I thought you’d have news to share soon.
2nd of all, what you are feeling is completely normal. No matter how much I appreciate this time with my little girl and recognize how fleeting it is, there are many moments when I feel limited and confined, even with my flexible job situation. I’m 15 weeks along with our #2 and definitely worried that when the new one arrives, I’ll be back to square one of being all Mom and none of myself. I finally feel like I can take care of her, do things for myself, enjoy time with my husband, somehow squeeze it all in on good days, and when a newborn shows up I know my ability to be myself and Mom and wife is going to dissapear into the chaos of newborn plus toddler.
Hang in there!
OMG! Congratulations to YOU! I had no idea! 🙂
You’re so right. I was just talking about it with my mom and she said she felt the same way with us. The first one is so exciting and you really have no idea how much your life is going to change. With the second one, though, you know how much your life already changed with the first one and you feel like the rest of your autonomy will disappear with #2. But, she also said it becomes second nature with the second and you hardly even remember the difference.
Thank you for the words of encouragement! You always make me smile!
Oh my dear, you took the words right out of my mouth. I am 8 weeks along with baby #2 as well with a very active 19 month old currently demanding cereal at top volume. All I have been able to think about since I took the pregnancy test is “how am I going to do this?”. I scarcely have time to shower let alone turn my blog into a business. We knew when we got married that I would be staying at home with the kids while my husband worked but now it’s seeming like a sentence and not a choice. But I have to agree with Charise on this, I’m hoping it’s because I’m feeling so bloody awful each and every day and once the second trimester hits I’ll see light at the end of the tunnel. Besides, the kids will all go to school someday, right? Sorry for the worlds longest comment but hang in there!
That was a great comment! Thank you!
So, is your due date around March 21st too? And your first must have been born around the same time as mine (jan 9th)?
We can encourage each other through it all! It’s so awesome to hear that I’m not alone here. If we all feel this way and so many moms have more than one, I’m sure we’ll get through it all just fine.
Oh girlfriend! As much as my DREAM is to be a SAHM, I have to admit that some days it totally freaks me out! We’ve been taking about when to start trying for #2 and I’m totally torn about what to do. With so many changes on the horizon, (med school/military) the idea of a second baby scares me.
I think this post is wonderfully honest. I think you’re going to do just fine 🙂
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Thank you! You rock! It’s one of those things I didn’t really want to plan, but now I worry that maybe I should have. I guess I just need to have faith in God’s timing and let go a little.
First off, CONGRATULATIONS!
Second, I think what you are feeling is totally natural. As moms we give so much of ourselves to our little ones, and happily. But sometimes you can’t help but think, “what about me?”
I think if I was putting as much of myself into a job as I do into being a mom, I’d feel the same way. “Is this job all I am?” I think anytime we feel like ONE thing defines us, we get a little uncomfortable.
You are going to do great. I tell my mom I don’t know how I’ll manage if I have a second and she laughs.
She had five of us. 🙂
Amber recently posted..Friday Inspiration – Success and Failure
Thank you Amber. You’re so right. I’ve actually been extremely cautious my whole life about letting my jobs consume or define me. Mostly because I’m a control freak and don’t like to think anyone else is in control of my life (even God, which I need to work on).
In any case, I’m sure even if it is as all consuming as I fear it will be now, it will come naturally eventually. Plus, women like your mother were able to handle way more than two and survived. 🙂
Thanks and congrats to you too!! We’re due on Mar 24th and our daughter was born on Jan 14th. Looks like we are right in sync!! It will be a blessing to know someone going through the same things at the time. How cool! My mom reiterated what your mom said. And you know since they’re always right we’re going to survive too!