Deep down inside, I must be. I don’t know how else to explain my persistent tendency to resist conforming to societal “norms”.
Rebellious certainly does not describe my teenage or even college years, but something must have happened. I can’t really put my finger on when it started. At some point, I just stopped wanting to fit in. I started asking more questions and purposely doing things differently than everyone. The only thing is, it wasn’t really ever in an effort to be different, but to stay true to myself.
That answers my question right there. Yoga started it all.
Basically, what I mean is: if anyone tells me they are doing something a certain way, there’s only one way to do something, or I just have to do it this way, I start looking at my options. Not in all situations, but many. Especially when it comes to birth and parenting.
I just refuse to think there’s only one way to parent.
It clicked the other day as I was thinking about some of the conversations I’ve had since my first pregnancy. Just a few examples are:
- Comment: Who finds out the sex for their first? My response: I plan to find out the sex actually. I know it’s kind of against tradition, but I’d just really love to know and I feel like the real surprise will be what he/she looks like. Their Response: Oh. Well, I know I won’t find out the sex for my first. ::snort::
- Comment: You have to get an epidural. It’s the only way to go. My Response: Oh, really? I’ve heard their great, but I’m actually planning a birth center birth so that won’t be an option for me. Their Response: Wow… ::eyeroll:: Well, you’re brave (with a tone of – you’re insane). I hope everything works out for you (fake smile).
- Comment: You have got to start sleep training your six week old before they start manipulating you. My Response: Oh, thanks, but we’re bed sharing right now, so I’m going to hold off a little while on the crib transition, but what book did you use. Their Response: (a look of horror while they name the book, followed by an awkward silence until someone changes the subject or breaks away)
- Comment: Stock up on diapers at Costco. You’ll be amazed at how fast you run through them. My Response: Oh, I’m sure. I know they go through a lot. Thanks for the heads up. I’m cloth diapering, so guess I’ll really have to keep up with laundry. Their Response: Oh. Wow. I wouldn’t want to do that. (awkward silence)
It may seem like I’m exaggerating. I’m not. At least not intentionally. Yes, it’s definitely possible that I interpreted body language and inflections that weren’t really there and maybe they even took my responses as judgements on them. In any case, these exchanges only make me want to stick to my guns even more.
What I can’t decide is: does my insistence on being true to myself somehow come off as judgement on others who are being true to themselves? Because, that’s not how I feel. Not at all. I think it’s important to stick to the things you feel convicted about and that is different for every person. My friends come in all flavors and I appreciate each of them for their differences. I hope they feel the same about me.
I find it very admiring that you do things in your life and parent how you want to, without be influenced by the norm or what is popular. Good for you!! I find i can be pretty influenced by what is the norm. I am always worrying what other people think of me or how I am doing things. I hope one day, i will not care about that as much. That’s one of the issues i have with cloth diapering when i have kids someday. What will my friends and family think about it? I think i’ll get a lot of strange looks and i’m not sure how i will handle that. And out of your examples, i have never heard about people not finding out the sex of there first child just because it’s the first. I guess all my friends and realities have found out the sex of there first baby.
Thanks Lori. I think we all care at least a little bit about what other people think. I care. I just like to prove people wrong I guess.
I think you’ll be surprised at how many other cloth diaperers there are, especially where you’re living now. Where I was living when LM was born played a big role in how easy it was to get started. I think a lot of people, especially from other generations, have a different idea of what it means to cloth diaper, but they’ll change their minds when they see you do it. There are so many options out there now that it’s not nearly as hard as it used to be.
You’ll be a great mom, whatever you decide to do!
Hey you… I loved today’s conversation for many reasons. I love the fact that you are really true to yourself and that you are constantly trying to be aware of ALL of your options before starting anything that you do in every avenue of your life. This has been a part of who you are since you were a toddler asking “why?” after any adult told you to do something. Sure, you were a good little girl and did what they told you to do, but let’s face it… the rebel in you has been busting at the seams waiting to come out for many, many years. I am proud of you for opening my eyes to all the different options that there are in the world of child bearing. Truthfully, I think the reason that you get most of the snub, awkward responses that you do is due to intimidating confidence exuding from your thoroughly researched, educated decision that blindsides most of us talk show watching, doctor obeying decision makers that do 90 percent of what they do because the elusive “they” told them too. (I know I’m part of that 90 percent, so no… I’m not being a condescending hypocrite).
In any case, I love you and I’m proud of you. Oh, and when I do finally have a baby… you’re going to be my pregnancy coach!!! XOXO
<3 I love you! Thank you! 🙂 You’re a lot more inquisitive and knowledgeable than you give yourself credit for. You’re right about the asking questions since forever though. I didn’t really think about it that way, but it’s true.
LOL…it’s such a mom thing. All of us are doing something different and everyone has an opinion about it. Good fo you with the cloth diapers. I was too afraid to try it with the twins, but for our next baby I may give it a go. I held out on finding out the sexes, but I felt like I was the only one. Everyone kept saying “I can’t belieeeeeeeeve you’re not finding out. How will you know what color to paint their room?” Luckily those types of things have given me ample material for my book. Hang in there. You sound like an awesome mom already!
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If I had twins, I probably would not be cloth diapering. I can’t say for sure, but I doubt it. That is a much bigger commitment and one baby.
If you do decide to try next time, though, I’d love to help with any questions!
You’re so right about the mom thing. There are so many opinions about the right way to do things and, for some reason, people are overly eager to share those opinions when it comes to kids/parenting.
Thank you. So do you!