A little bit about me

I was flooded with memories as I read the words: “Nothing is so important or earth-shattering…”

Picture by Christine Olsen Photography

There’s a framed poem from high school on a wall at my parents’ house in which my sister quoted my mom.  I’m not sure of the exact phrasing, but I believe the rest of that sentence was something like, “that you can’t work through it.”  Emotions over friends and boys when I was younger came to mind (and recent tantrums with my own little drama king).  Those were the words she so often used in her soothing, nurturing voice as she stroked my hair, whenever I came home from school in tears.  Though she rarely has to say them anymore, they’re always at the back of my mind when things fall apart.

I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions for various reasons over the past few months and those words really hit me this week when I saw them.  Horrible, traumatic, and complicated things happen everyday, but none of them will shatter the earth.  No matter how bad it feels, I have to get through it.  That’s life and there’s no other option.  So, no matter how bad things are, I always try to face the problems I can fix head-on and work to avoid self-pity by focusing on the positive.  I really struggle with the things that are out of my control and tend to bury/hide those feelings.

I strive to keep my blog a peaceful space, free from drama. I stray away from harsh words and judgements on others. I’m human with flaws and opinions, so that doesn’t always happen, but I try. I know how easy it is to take someone’s words the wrong way, so I try hard not to use other people’s lives or experiences as my inspiration when posting here.  I only take select experiences from my life and talk about them.

The post I wrote about social media’s negative effects on frienship was meant as a judgement on myself. My intention was to take a step back and inspect my use of social media (mostly Facebook). I’ve had more than one friendship strained by knowing too much and yet not enough about our lives and the subsequent hurt feelings, that I thought it was worth exploring.

I said, “I’m just as bad as anyone else” because that’s what I meant.  I went on to talk about people posting things I felt uncomfortable with to explain why I don’t post things like that. I realize that we each have our own definitions of what’s appropriate as public knowledge and what isn’t and we each need different things from friends. It’s not for me or anyone else to judge.  I know I should have used my words more carefully.

I’m a private person. I think that quote by my mother explains a lot. Every time something dramatic happens in my life, I downplay it. I assume everyone has their own struggles and problems to work through and it’s important to me that I don’t put those on anyone who isn’t directly involved.  That’s not a judgement on people who choose to share more than me, it’s just me.  And, really, it’s probably more of a weakness than a strength.  It’s also not necessarily how she meant it.

I’m going to state the obvious here: I’m also a married woman with kids and what I say affects more than just me.  It’s extremely important to my husband that I select the experiences I share very carefully. He feels strongly about filtering what and how much I share about our lives. He reads most of my writing before I publish it and tells me if something makes him uncomfortable. Those same feeling apply to what I post on Facebook, so I tend to only share positive things and not our struggles. We’re a team and his (and my kids’) comfort is a priority for me, as is the comfort of my friends and extended family.

I’m back on Facebook.  I got off because I needed to take a step back.  I felt like the world was closing in on me and needed to disconnect and focus on my family  for a little while.  Specifically, I needed some special one-on-one time with that pouting toddler pictured above, who’s trying to sort out his new role in our family.  Two weeks away did so much to clear my head, prioritize, and connect with God.  I reactivated my account this morning because I kept thinking about all the Facebook friends I really care about despite not having contact information (outside of Facebook, that is).

I don’t want to block out the the amazing people I’ve met and reconnected with online.  I just needed a little time to work through some personal stuff.

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