Putting away Ogre Mommy

I’m so tired of feeling like Shrek.  Argh!

Today, I realized just how often I say the word “no” in some form or another.

I’ve read plenty of gentle parenting suggestions about looking for ways to say yes more often by being creative with words.  I think of myself as someone who’s very creative with words.  Enough so that my parents thought I’d be a lawyer someday.

Maybe that means I’m a little too creative with words? na!

Avoiding the word no, unfortunately, never seems to work around here!  Either I’m not creative enough or Dylan’s too smart.

Maybe a little of both.

I shouldn’t say it never works.  It does occasionally work out, just not as often as I’d like.  Or even enough to go that route most of the time.  But the screaming matches that happen :/ don’t work either.  Or, they work in squashing D’s enthusiasm and making me feel guilty.  I usually get an apology out of the mess, too, but that’s not really what I want.

How do I teach him to respect others and he can’t always get his way, without teaching him to blindly listen to me?  There has to be a middle ground but I’m really struggling to find it.

Alexia over at Babies and Bacon helped me to see that age and the addition of a second child both probably play a part with her post today.  Here’s what I know:

• I’m not the only one in this boat
• he’s exploring a big world that he feels increasing curiosity about
• as his communication improves, he’s gaining a greater sense of control
• he doesn’t understand why there need to be boundaries around things because he doesn’t have enough experiences yet

Deep down I really understand all of these things, but I don’t know how to turn my knowledge into helpful solutions.  I realize that sounded incredibly technical, but I don’t know how else to put it.

I want D to trust me and to know that I love the person he’s becoming.  I want him to feel confident that people like him and want him around.  I want him to have the confidence to go after his passions, as I’ve mentioned before.  I want to teach him to question everything and not just do what he’s instructed to do because I believe the ability to think outside the box is the one of the most important skills a person can have to navigate this world.  More than anything, I want to show him what Godly love looks like so that he can become the strong, confident, Christ-like man God intended.

So, from here on out, I’m taking a step back from the Ogre.  I’m going to make a concerted effort to search my heart before reacting to Dylan.  I realize it won’t be as easy as it sounds but, at the very least, I want to focus on fun and love rather than efficiency more from now on.

Yes, I’m of German descent 😉

Children just aren’t efficient and, let’s be honest, that road leads to a cliff… or something like that.